Saturday, February 18, 2012

Elimination Chamber Predictions: February 18, 2012

Elimination Chamber Thoughts And Predictions - February 19, 2012

Greetings, salutations and all that stuff. Tomorrow night is the WWE Elimination Chamber pay per view and usually I'd be sitting in front of the computer right now pounding out a new "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News" column, complete with predictions for the big show as well as thoughts and comments about a whole plethora of wrestling-related topics.

Well, that's what I would "usually" be doing, but not tonight. I started on a new "TS" column earlier today, but I'm just not feeling it... the wrestling thing that is. I managed to get a paragraph about Brodus Clay written and then the muses in my head started talking about a story idea involving the mystic adventurer from the Avengers (Marvel Comics), Dr Anthony Druid, and the Scooby Gang from the TV series "Buffy The Vampire Slayer". And so I quit the column and started working on that idea instead.

But now, as the day grows to a close, I know that I can't let the Elimination Chamber show go ignored. After all, I am an "internet wrestling journalist" (whatever the hell that is) and damn it, making predictions for wrestling shows is what I do. So that's what I'm going to do. Plus I'll go ahead and post the piece about Brodus Clay that I wrote for the "TS" column that will probably never be written. So here you go...

The Wrestling Globe reports that WWE officials have decided to put Brodus Clay’s “Funkasaurus” gimmick on hold for the time being. Word is that Vince McMahon feels that Clay’s ring work wasn’t where it needed to be for WWE TV.

And this makes a rare moment where I actually agree with Vince. The whole "Brodus Clay experiment" was a disaster from the first moment that Clay was advertised to make his debut and it kept getting pushed back more and more. And then when he did debut - it was PN News meets Rikishi meets Flash Funk and none of that is a good thing for 2012.

But I kept the slightest bit of hope that maybe, this 400 plus pound monster of a man could make it work. But there were signs to the contrary. The second week that Clay was on the live Monday Night Raw broadcast, his rip away pants didn't totally rip away and he played it off well, but looked silly. And then his match against William Regal, a man capable of making the very worst of wrestlers look like a potential Ricky Steamboat, took place. And Clay almost missed his finisher, the flying cross body press.

If you can't hit your own finishing move, you don't belong on the big shows (unless your name was Batista, who flubbed his "Batista Bomb" more times than he hit it). So Clay is gone for the time being to be either retrained or repackaged. I hate it for Clay, but it'sthe right thing to do.

If this had been the 80's, there would't have been any problems, but in the world of 2012, with characters like CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Wade Barrett and The Miz taking center stage, cartoon characters just don't really fit in very well anymore. Better he gets repackaged as the killer monster heel as was the original idea. Then all he has to do is hit and kick people. Much better for all persons involved.

Wasn't that special? A great piece of work and it'll never make it into a regular column. Oh well... stuff happens. Now let's move on to something else... the main reason we're all here.

Elimination Chamber Predictions:

World champion Daniel Bryan defending against The Great Khali, Wade Barrett, Big Show, WWE Intercontinental champion Cody Rhodes and Santino Marella in the Elimination Chamber.

Okay, let's go ahead and take out the wrestlers who clearly don't stand a chance. Big Show will be moving into a program against Shaquille O'Neal for Wrestlemania, so he's out of contention. Khali sucks and doesn't even belong in the match so he's out too. Santino? Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!! So that leaves the Champion, Daniel Bryan, The Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett. I still think we'll end up seeing Cody take on his brother, Dustin Rhodes aka Goldust at Wrestlemania, so he's out of it too. And while Wade Barrett is impressive, I don't think Wade versus Shemaus has much appeal to it, especially for a Wrestlemania match. So let's just keep the belt on Bryan who will somehow manage to sneak and slide out of the Chamber still the champion.

Winner and STILL Champion: Daniel Bryan

WWE champion CM Punk defending against Chris Jericho, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, The Miz and R-Truth in the Elimination Chamber.

This should be the match of the night for the pay per view because it has all the good wrestlers and top talent, unlike the Smackdown match which is full of non-contenders and mid-card jokes. Kofi and Truth will NOT win and I really can't see Dolph winning either. Miz is awesome, but he's got backstage heat right now and "rewarding" him with the WWE Championship wouldn't make much sense. It's between CM Punk and Chris Jericho as to who walks out of the ring as the WWE Champion.

From what I understand, Jericho will be leaving the WWE again after Wrestlemania to handle some touring with Fozzy so if he's going to do anything and make an impact, the time is now. So look for Jericho to capture the title at the end of the night and thus, allowing CM Punk to assume the role of challenger and have that big "Wrestlemania Moment" when he regains his title in Miami. Works for me.

Winner and NEW Champion: Chris Jericho

John Cena vs. Kane in an Ambulance Match.

Who the hell cares? I just want this whole program to end. Cena finally "embraces the hate" and beats the holy hell out of Kane, but ends up on the recieving end of a Zack Ryder attack for his efforts... thus proving that Zack Ryder has "embraced the hate" as well. Cena wins the match, but Kane wins the war and Ryder's soul.

Winner: John Cena

WWE Divas champion Beth Phoenix vs. Tamina Snuka

As much as I'm glad to see Tamina finally getting a push, this is just a filler match to tide things over until Kharma (or Trish Stratus) is ready to make that challenge for the Divas Championship at Wrestlemania. I expect that Tamina will get in a lot of offense, but when the match is over, the Glamazon will still stand tall and keep the Divas Championship.

Winner and STILL Champion: Beth Phoenix

So there you go. My predictions for this show, but I have to ask, where are the United States Champion Jack Swagger and the WWE Tag Team Champions, Epico and Primo? Where is Sheamus? I know that the WWE is weak with top names right now, especially with both Randy Orton and Mark Henry on the injured list and Brodus Clay being repackaged, but this card is missing more than it's offering. That's not a way to draw fans or a buy-rate. But I guess the WWE knows what they're doing... YEAH, RIGHT!

That's going to do it for me. I'll see you in a few days with the "Fact or Fiction" column and I might get a real "TS" column out there in a few days as well. Or maybe I won't. Who knows?

I'll catch you on the flip side.

Ubuntu!

No comments:

Post a Comment