Tossing Salt - Worldwide News - February 25, 2012

Tossing Salt - Worldwide News
February 25, 2012
Doug Maynard

Okay, I admit it. I've been a bad Lil' Jimmy. No new editions of "Tossing Salt" for almost two weeks now. *Holds head down in shame!* But I have managed to, along with the aid of the baddest man on the planet, Russell Jackson, put out a couple of edtions of "Wrestling Fact Or Fiction".

So am I forgiven for my oversights? Nope? Damn! So I guess that means I need to get to stepping, right? Of course it does and here I am... with a new edition of professional wrestling's most eclectic column since 2003, "Tossing Salt - Worldwide News"...

So what's on the agenda? Not too much because I have an engagement for later this evening... a very special event called "American Championship Wrestling"... LIVE - tonight at the National Guard Armory in Laurinburg, NC. And yes, there will be a recap of the show up sometime in the next day or so. Look for it.

And now, for today's column. I want to talk about Zack Ryder & Eve, CM Punk and Chris Brown, Teddy Long versus John Laurinaitis, Santino Marella and John Cena's "shoot" on the Rock. And I'm sure that other stuff will come up as well. Let's do this...

News & Opinions...

Zack, Kane and Eve... Oh My! (And their little Cena too!)

I am so damn bored already with the Zack Ryder - Eve storyline, which I guess can be considered a spin-off of the John Cena - Kane "Embrace The Hate" crapfest, just like "Angel" was a spin-off of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer", except for this new "drama" isn't quite a good. What is the WWE thinking? Poor Zack Ryder! He worked his ass off and got himself over with the wrestling fans unlike few others have ever managed before. The fans love Zack Ryder! Everyone loves Zack Ryder. Woo Woo Woo - you know it! Well, everyone but the WWE "Creative Team" it seems.

Zack gets over with the fans. Supporters like CM Punk, John Cena, Steve Austin, etc. all lend their support. The WWE always tells their "superstars" to be creative and make their moments and they'll be rewarded. Ryder did and what happened? He was rewarded with the United States Championship. Of course it took several months and several screwy incidents, but it happened. Ryder is the U.S. Champ. The world is at peace and there is harmony in the air. So the WWE decides to screw Ryder out f the belt in a total squash, giving the title to Jack Swagger, while Ryder is turned into a cowardly idiot who's used as Kane's personal punching bag and bitch. Ryder misses out on pay-days for the Royal Rumble AND The Elimination Chamber. He's being buried deeper than the memory of Chris Benoit in the world of WWE.

The one positive thing of the whole storyline is that while Ryder is looking like an accident-prone, whimpy, ass-clown, he still has Eve. He still gets the woman, right? Nope! Eve puts the mack on John Cena and then reveals that she just used Ryder to get to Cena "because that's what people do". At least that explains why her "crocodile tears" were so obvious. As an actress, Eve makes a great wrestler. So Eve is the ultimate "Hoeski" and Cena goes on to face The Rock and what about Zack Ryder? I guess he'll fight with Kane for a bit... if he ever makes it back from the "injuries", that is.

This whole storyline started off bad and just gets more and more annoying. Hopefully, once Cena is out of the picture and focused on Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, then Zack and Kane can salvage this whole thing and turn it into something bearable and watchable. I hope so. It's basically a rehash of the entire Kane - Matt Hardy - Lita storyline from a few years ago anyhow, with a few slight changes. And we all know how well that turned out, don't we? Maybe we can luck up and get some Snitsky appearances out of the deal.

The bottom line is this. Ryder made himself a star and the WWE, despite their claims, don't like that so Zack gets buried. Eve gets her shot now to be the next Lita (remember those great "Slut" chants Lita used to get), but with one major difference. Lita had talent and Eve... well, she's hot, but that's where the similarites end. It's going to take a lot of work to save this storyline (and Zack's career... Kane's too for that matter). I hope they can do it, but I'm not holding my breath.

By the way, big kudos to John Cena for that shoot-style promo he cut on The Rock this past Monday night on RAW. It was to the point and a great example of what John should have been doing all along. Forget about the "funny" promos and the stupid jokes about Fruity Pebbles. (Okay, those were actually entertaining.) John Cena, when he gets "real" and "serious", can cut a great promo, but unfortunately, he likes to either cut jokes or whine far too often and it defeats the purpose of cutting the promos to begin with. John Cena needs to be kept focused and serious for this "feud" leading up to Wrestlemania XXVIII. That one promo did more to promote the Rock - Cena match than the entire past six months has done.

I try to be fair and balanced where Cena is concerned and while his presence pretty much totally decimated the entire "Embrace The Hate" storyline, he did a great job on Monday. Now I only hope that when Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson shows up on RAW Monday night, he keeps it just as focused and serious. The time for playing games and making jokes is over. It's time to get real and serious and I'm glad that Cena (and the WWE writers) realized that!

The Cobra Strikes...

Like most everyone else, I was a bit shocked to see Santino Marella inserted into the Elimination Chamber last weekend. After all, Santino is a comedy character and pretty much a joke and goof as a wrestler. Just ask Jim Cornette (and then be prepared to hear a forty-five minute, profanity filled tirade... lol).

But first it was the Royal Rumble last year where Santino was the next to last person to be eliminated. And now, it's the Eliomination Chamber, where the last two men are Santino and the World Champion, Daniel Bryan. Although Bryan won (as he should have), the fans were really popping and excited for Santino. It was probably the hottest moment of the night for the live audience when they thought there was a chance Santino had a real chance to be the next World Champion.

You know what? I like this. Santino is a comedy character and a goof-ball, but I'm liking the way that they're building him here. I don't think that Santino will ever be a top tier main eventer or the World or WWE Champion, but they're starting to establish that Santino, when it comes time to get into the ring, is all business. Zack Ryder is the same way. He's all goofy and perky outside the ring, but all business once that bell rings. That is the way it should be. Disco Inferno was the same way in WCW. He was an idiot in his promos and commentary, but he knew how to perform in that ring and won championships as a result. I'm not sure what they have in mind for Santino, but he's a good character that sells merchandise and puts butts in the seats, so if they want to rehabilitate his character by making him the ultimate underdog who always finds a way to succeed, so be it.

I just had a thought. Zack Ryder and Santino Marella as the tag team champions. And they could bring in Disco Inferno as their manager. Just imagine the promos and chaos. It'd be the greatest thing to happen to wrestling since the days of the b.W.o. Probably never happen, but I can hope, right?

Taking The GM Feud To The Match Beyond...

As far as the General Managers go and their little feud to gain control of both shows, what the hell? John Laurinaitis is "Mr. No Personality" and Teddy is "holla holla holla" and now both of them want to run both RAW and Smackdown. I guess Johnny Ace needs a storyline to keep him busy since the CM Punk story seems to have faded away. So what is the WWE aiming for? I've heard rumors of two things.

The first option would be a match between Johnny Ace and Teddy Long for control of both shows. Look at the age difference. Look at the size difference. This match would be a disaster from the beginning and just get worse. And even the WWE is (hopefully) smart enough to see that.

The other option is, from what I understand, a five on five match with a team of RAW Superstars (representing Lauriniatis) versus Team Smackdown (representing Teddy Long), used as a replacement for the Money In The Bank match. It'd be okay I guess, but the Raw versus Smackdown matches have been used so often in the past, it just doesn't have any kind of excitement for me. Unless a special stipulation is added to the match, that is...

And this is just my suggestion, but if we're going to end up with a five on five match to determine who will run RAW and Smackdown (which I always thought were to be kept as seperate brands so why would two brands have only one General Manager?), why not make it interesting and put this match in two rings and a steel cage? Yeppers, I'm talking about "War Games - The Match Beyond"?

I know that for Wrestlemania, where we will already have a plethora of great matches, adding a match like "War Games" would kind of be overkill, but hear me out. At Wrestlemania, they cango ahead and book the one-sided John Laurinaitis versus Teddy Long match. But since Teddy isn't and has never been a wrestler, let him have a substitute to wrestle in his place... such as Mick Foley (who still owes Laurinaitis for busting him in the head with the microphone a few months ago). Ace and Foley wrestle and Foley wins, thus giving him a big "Wrestlemania moment!". End of story, right? Wrong!

The next night, Laurinaitis and his "Legal Counsel" David Otunga come out on RAW and invoke some legal technicality that negates the Foley win. And we get a moment where Laurinaitis / Otunga confront Foley / Teddy. Here comes HHH or Vince or someone in authority, representing the Board of Directors and they say revoke the GM Powers of both men until the next pay per view where it will all be decided who is the GM of both RAW and Smackdown in a five on five "War Games" match.

Both men can spend the next few weeks picking their teams while WWE can use men like Arn Anderson, Dusty Rhodes, Road Warrior Animal, etc... who have all participated in prior "War Games" matches to put over how dangerous and brutal the match is. Thus, WWE gets a big match, a big buy-rate for the next PPV after Wrestlemania and makes a stupid storyline with two minor players into a big time event.

It's just a suggestion, but it would work and make money for the WWE, as well as make a lot of old WCW fans happy too. It probably won't happen and we'll get some stupid "GM on a Pole" match, but I had to put the idea out there and hope WWE takes the bait. We can only hope!

And I guess that's going to do it for today. Or should I....??? Yeah, I think I will. It's time for that old stand-by from columns of days past to make a comeback. Yeppers, I"m talking about the...

Who Am I?...

I'm a second generation superstar, the son of a former World Champion, who has never quite gotten the respect I deserve, despite stints in both the WWE and WCW. In the WWE, I was treated just like a piece of meat by the Divas. In WCW, I proved that I was quite a natural born thriller, but moved on soon to romancing a long legged Nitro Girl and feuding with another second-generation superstar. I wrestled on the last edition of Nitro before heading back to WWE and being a total space cadet. I now only wrestle occasionally, spending most of my time in my other profession as a chiropractor. Who Am I?

Think you know the answer? You can send it to me, along with questions, comments, etc, to Doug28352@yahoo.com. Also, go read my blog-site at www.tsfiction.blogspot.com for all things Dougie.

And I guess that's it for me today. I have to go now and get ready for a night of live ACW action at the Armory. Should be an awesome show and I'll have a recap of it up in the next few days. Thanks for reading and always remember, wrestling is real... life is fake. I'm Doug and "dat is all de' people need to know!"

Ubuntu!