Royal Rumble Predictions - January 28, 2012

Tomorrow night is the 2012 WWE Royal Rumble - the 25th Anniversary of the WWE's # 3 event of the year (after Wrestlemania and Summerslam) - and since it's a big time PPV, that means it's time for some big time match predictions. Let's do this!

Royal Rumble Predictions...

WWE Championship Match - Special Guest Referee: John Laurinaitis
CM Punk (c) versus Dolph Ziggler

Well, Johnny Ace has already said that he's going to "screw" Punk, although he tried to back off from that particular statement this past Monday night after realizing that HHH and the infamous "Board of Directors" were listening. I have no doubt that Ace will try. And Punk will pull out surprise after surprise to off-set the screwing with his own personal walking "protection" who I suspect will be Mck Foley. Look for a crazy ending as Ace tries for the fast-finish to have Dolph beat Punk, only to have Foley make the save and pure OINGO BOINGO excitment breaks out as all hell breaks loose and Ace meets Mr. Socko. Punk hits Dolph with the GTS and since Ace has "sock in mouth disease", Foley makes the three-count. Punk retains the gold and we get a lot of controversy to carry over to RAW on Monday night.

Winner and STILL CHAMPION: CM Punk

World Championship Match - Triple Threat Cage Match
Daniel Bryan (c) versus Big Show versus Mark Henry

From reports I read earlier today, Henry is injured again. Big Show is (allegedly) headed towards a match against Shaquille O'Neal at Wrestlemania. So with Henry injured and Big Show having other future plans, it's pretty obvious who wins here.

Winner & STILL CHAMPION: Daniel Bryan

John Cena versus Kane

Who the hell cares? This feud started off with craziness and it's just gone from dumb-ass to dumb-assier (is that even a word?). Here's hoping that a giant suck-hole of blackness opens up during the match and both men fall into it, never to be seen again in a WWE ring. One can only hope. Kane wins this match as he leads Cena to the dark side of the Force and the crap can continue for another month until Zack Ryder can return from his "injury" and seek revenge on both Cena and Kane on his path back to the U.S. Championship.

Winner: Kane

30 Man Royal Rumble Match
(All WWE Superstars Are Eligible To Enter)

Let's see... Who are the favorites? Randy Orton? Chris Jericho? Sheamus? Wade Barrett? Hornswoggle? Santino? I really don't care as the past couple of weeks have just sort of sucked away my interest. My own personal pick would be William Regal because, quite frankly, the man deserves it. The WWE has a man there that can talk, wrestle, work as a face or a heel, do serious or comedy, and have a great match against anyone. If he hadn't gotten that second "Wellness Violation" a few years ago, I have no doubt that Regal would have been either the WWE or World Champion at least once by now. Well, he's cleaned up and been the epitome of a role model and first-class Superstar for the WWE since then. Give the man a push in the main events where he belongs. Have Regal win the Royal Rumble and go face Daniel Bryan at Wrestlemania! He deserves it so the WWE needs to make it happen.

Okay, that's a nice dream, but it won't happen. The Rumble should be a fun match and I expect we'll see plenty of "guest stars", such as Hacksaw Jim Duggan (who won the first Royal Rumble twenty-five years ago), maybe Goldust (who can eliminate Cody and set up a feud), new WWE Agent Brian "Road Dogg" James, and a few random names from the past. Wouldn't it be nice to see maybe Dean Malenko, Tully Blanchard or even a (very protected) spot by Arn Anderson in honor of the Four Horsemen going into the WWE Hall of Fame? There's so much that could be done here to build to other things. And as for the winner, I'll just take a shot in the dark and say that the winner will be...

Winner: Randy Orton

So there you go with my official "Tossing Salt" Royal Rumble predictions. It should be a fun night and a helluva show. And that's it for me. I wanted to do more, but the writer's block is kicking my butt and there really isn't all that much time anyhow. So I'll leave it with the predictions and call it a day. Thanks for reading and I'll see you on the flip side.

Ubuntu!

~ Doug